One of my New Year's Resolutions for 2011 was to stop being so attached to my "agenda" and to "go with the flow." You know, "roll with the punches," and stop resisting uncertainty and obstacles. In short: embrace chaos.
Easier said than done. But as Einstein said of his messy desk, "If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what then is an empty desk a sign?" So, while I hate clutter, I am trying to let the lack of order and containment work in my favor. Because, really, creativity is born out of chaos and disorder...problems and obstacles. Helen is a product of such challenges, and with each challenge, we've had to come up with innovative solutions to deal with them. Ironically, these innovative solutions have led to epiphanies and discoveries....and Cellists. (Can only afford one musician? Make that one musician count...hence, the birth of a new character in our show that helped solve the problem of our ending.) As they say, you've got to turn those obstacles into opportunities.
So, as I hire designers, work out ticketing strategies, buy snacks for rehearsals, finalize Front Money Agreements, three-hole punch scripts, crunch numbers on our budget and so on, I've been trying to make a conscious effort to remind myself that one of the most intolerable aspects of living (uncertainty) is also what makes life worth living.
This morning, instead of panicking when the D train arrived at my Brooklyn platform packed to the gills, and trying to jam myself on, I surrendered and waited for the next D train, where I was able to get a seat, sit back and write this blog.
Sometimes it just pays to go with the flow.