Exposed!

Perhaps that title is a bit misleading.  It sound like someone from the NY Post or the Enquirer is writing today's blog entry.  Sorry to disappoint, it's just me.

But I am going to share something very personal with you my dear blog readers. 

The Helen events of late (the past two days), have been excruciating for me.  Writing a musical in six months, presenting a preview of that musical to high profile theatre industry people, casting, writing a daily blog, baking trays of baklava, none of it, NONE OF IT, has even come close to making me feel the pain that I have felt since Monday morning.

You see, I have a tragic flaw--I HATE to ask for help. 

It's incredibly hard for me to feel dependent upon other people...for anything.  It makes me feel weak and vulnerable...and exposed.  So, publicly exposing myself with this major Helen fundraising effort has been the most challenging and difficult aspect of this entire endeavor for me.  But, alas, a very necessary one.

And there is only one thing I hate more than asking people for help--and that's asking people for money

Just writing that sentence makes my stomach churn.  I know what you are thinking, "how is this girl ever going to be a producer if she hates asking people for money?"  I guess I should clarify.  I don't hate asking all people for money.  If you put me in a room with a group of people I don't know, for whom $15,000 is pocket change, I would have no problem asking them for money, especially if it's an investment that I feel pretty confident will eventually make them a lot of money.

It's asking for money from the people I am close to--my friends, family and colleagues--the people I love, the ones who work so hard for the little money they make, that kills me.  And let's face it, the people in my circles aren't rolling in the dough. Sure they may be Ivy-Leaguers holding multiple degrees and may be the smartest, most talented and passionate people in the room,  but they also happen to be classroom teachers, artists, social activists, musicians, writers, teaching artists, and people in the non-profit realm.  They don't live in penthouse apartments on Central Park West or summer in the Hamptons.  And a lot of them are just trying to get by.

And in the first two days of our fundraising campaign, guess whose been pledging?  Those people.  And it moves me beyond words and kills me at the same time.  It kills me, because most of them would willingly give me the whole $15,000 if they had it to spare.  It moves me because they don't, but they just want us to know that they are out there, supporting us.

So for those of you who read this blog and have so generously supported this fundraising effort with your pledges, I want you to know that not a day goes by when I don't feel utterly grateful for all you wonderful people in my life.

And everyone of you makes it worth putting myself, my pride and my musical on the line, and exposing myself.